Roaring Loud

KISSSSSSSSSSS MEEEE

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 18:42:32 GMT

update

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:43:16 GMT

Not doing so good...miserable, depressed, upset, sad, mad, frustrated, unloved, and on and on

I dont wanna talk about it..i dont even wanna think about it. I just want it to go away....just thought i'd give a short update and normally i'd just lie and make some lame fake happy update but this is how i really feel...

just hope my end comes soon cuz im done

Just need to let this out...

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 16:41:01 GMT

well, tomorrow is D-day...meaning tomorrow is the day my mom and dad's divorce is final. My mom leaves for court later in the morning to do so while my dad refuses to go. My sister will be at work and I will be here alone with thoughts of it.

I would of wrote this in my dA account but my mom reads that alot and I just don't think she'd wanna read my feelings on it...even if I don't totally agree with what is going on..I don't wanna hurt either of them anymore with this so I keep the thoughts to myself since it seems they don't care to hear it anyway...besides...won't change anything.

Though of course I still get those thoughts of maybe if i'd speak up..tell them both how it is..what they are doing and such maybe they'd wake up but those of course are just thoughts and nothing more. I guess it jus feels like once it becomes final..its them erasing a marriage...a wedding day they shared, a honeymoon, the newlyweds, the first house, first child, the good memories...everything. Just feels like it'll all be seemingly erased even though..of course..it all still did happen.

I know many many others have went through the same thing and I know im old enough to understand it and deal with it and blah blah..i mean yes I know I'm 18 but sometimes I think that is almost worse than when it happens to those that are younger. Not to cut down their feelings..no in no way...but when you are younger you don't understand it all and therefore just kinda go along with it..oblivious and by the time they reach my age they are just so use to it they don't even feel much.

Where as me...the one seeing her family together for all this time..remembering all the memories and just..everything and now having to realize its all ending..it seems soooo much harder...yano? maybe not..maybe its just my thoughts getting the best of me.

I guess....i guess I just don't understand...and now I just want my happy ending but yet..not..because if they can't even make it work after being together almost 34 years..than how can I ever get married without expecting it to just end the same way too? I know I shouldn't go off what happens to someone else for what will happen to me..but I can't help it..it seems it happens to everyone now days and that even the ones sooooo deeply in love just never can seem to make it.

But oh well...tomorrow I'll sit alone...reflect on it all and wonder..i just don't know how or if i can handle this on top of everything else going on right now around me and to me..i know that is selfish but i cant help it. For once in my life I just wish I didn't have to be the strong one...

Mash - stole from the roog

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:20:03 GMT



		I will marry kyle.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in motel in our fabulous House.
		We will have 88 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a orange truck.
		I will spend my days as a ranger, and live happily ever after.

how about a round of applause?

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 05:59:20 GMT

hehehe......this song has been stuck in my head and if this person i am thinking of is reading this...watching that...than good...i was hoping so.

I love you all and a better journal is sure to come soon
love,
the nutso one

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 05:38:59 GMT

I don't know why but I just felt like writing. Maybe it is from the sounds and emotions that the storm raging on outside my window is bringing on or the fact that I don't really know what I am feeling but either way...here I am like it or not.

I guess I just don't understand what is going on anymore..i just dont...get it. How it is that i have some who care sooo much sometimes too much that it makes me feel so horrible but yet there are these "certain" people who can care so little when they have to KNOW how much it hurts me...and yet they say they care or love me? I just dont get it...how does someone go about loving that way? how...

I feel like crying and in fact a tear almost rolled down my face a bit ago after they built up on the brim of my eyes. I haven't cried in awhile actually...and I still havent just mostly i get teary eyed and that is it. I use to hate the fact that i cried so much and it really bothered me especially when someone i loved so much told me once that "it was annoying"when i cried..that really stuck with me and I'd punish myself for crying...i have to admit I still sorta do. But yet...sitting here having not cried in awhile i wonder...what is wrong with me? Am i really becoming that tough..that cold....and most of all.....am I ok with this?

I hate change....I've never been able to deal with it. I know life is all about change but how is it that everything you wish to change doesnt but everything you dont want to change does? And most of all...why is it so hard for me to just let go? I have held on to so many things in my life...and I just don't know how to let go. I'm told I should just let go...after all I have been put through that it should be enough reason to let go by now..and i know that...i know but yet....I dont.

I guess that goes to show how far my love goes. I guess I just feel so left out....I don't wanna be left out anymore. I just want so bad to be wanted..to be needed.

But i can do this....right? I can do this all on my own. I don't need them....him.....right? If he doesn't have enough decency to be around than what does it matter? why should i care...he wasnt there when i was scared...and i cant even begin to explain how alone i felt....how sooooo alone i felt just wondering what to do...and not having him there. Yet there i sit like a poor little puppy dog at his every need..when he wants to be around i let him..when he doesnt he doesnt but yet i take him right back in my arms for the time that he actually wants me.....why cant he just want me all the time..why cant i just be good enough for him...all the time?

I guess I'm just rambling....and I have nothing to be so upset about...i can do this all on my own...and I don't need some guy breaking promises to be around who doesnt even care but yet knows he can get away with shit and when he comes back around again that i'll take him back. No....not again..not this time. I'm sorry Kyle...not this time...i told you time and time again to make your choice and you keep saying its to stay with me....but yet this happens...that isnt wanting to stay with me....so no more. I'm done. Only you know how to make it right and if you miss that chance than thats not my fault but dont come crawling back to me later when you want me again and expect me to scoop you back up in my arms...dont expect me~us~to be here when you come around once more...so make your choice because I'm done.im out

So now tears are forming again and I just want sleep...I think I will write a letter to carla to send to her through the mail and than its off to bed to find that most likely im alone again while he's out having his fun not caring that he hurt me. So i'm sorry...to everyone for this rambling..this is just me being tired and upset for yet again not mattering enough....

Just let me go back to dream,you're home

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:03:36 GMT

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 15:12:00 GMT

Little girl kisses her mom
Tells her I love you
Holds on to her hand

Little girl doesn't have much
She walks with a smile
She's so full of life

But she cries in the night
Just to try to hold on
No one can hear her
She's all alone

This little girl
closes her eyes
All that she wants
Is someone to love
Someone to love

Little girl
She's all grown up
Oh she's getting fevers
She's a big star

Oh little girl

Fights with her mom
Can't believe money
Changed who she loved

(chorus)

She cries in the night
Just to try to hold on
No one can hear her
She's all alone

This little girl
closes her eyes
All that she wants
Is someone to love (someone)
Someone to love (someone)
To love (someone)
Someone [ fade out]

The song that follows me and wont get out of my head....i just think it really would be better off if im dead.....

There is only one thing keeping me from doing that right now honestly...so dont worry I wont...i just...nevermind its not important

I dont feel right when you're gone away.....

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:57:11 GMT

Do you ever think about things....your life...your friends...your family...the ones you love..the things you love? Do you ever wonder what life would be like had even just one small thing been different? Do you wonder how much of a drastic change it could make? I know I do...i know how my life has become and I know why it has become this way too...or so for the most part.

I know it has been too long since I wrote a journal. It is long overdo so I am going to do my best to let the words flow out....no music...just words...just.....me...

Has anyone else ever come soooo close to the edge so close they see heaven's gates? To seeing swirls of bright light and blood red...I know it makes no sense but I have seen it. I have seen where things can lead...i've felt love and passion the moisture from a kiss and in the next instant felt rage to the point of no return..to the point where i can see nothing but tearing flesh.

As sickening as it all sounds...and as much as i dont understand it..i understand that im not to understand...if that makes any sense. I know this life isn't mine. When i was little I use to be a little mommy and daddy girl...i did everything I was told and tried to be the best I could be for them but than one morning I woke up and asked myself "why are you doing this? Why should you care?" and ever since that day I havent.....why should i bother to try to please someone who isn't the one who has to live in this skin I'm in? They aren't the ones who have to live with the consequence of the mistakes I make. I know most parents want only what is best for their kids but anymore I think it is more that they want what THEY think is best for their kids..not what the kid thinks is best.

I am not to say that every advice or love or beating(heh)my parents ever gave was incorrect...that wasn't always the case. It is just that I got so sick of trying to be what they wanted to be that I lost what it was that I wanted to be somewhere along the way. Ever since than I have tried my best to regain that knowledge..to remember what exactly it was I wanted out of life. I just want to be happy...everyone I believe really wants that out of life and sometimes while trying to achieve that happyness others get knocked down. People get so lost in their dreams and their strive for happyness that they totally miss what is standing right beside them.

Not to say that when i say "people" I don't mean myself included. I do...in fact everything I am saying is basically meant for me to be saying to myself. I feel like I'm trapped...like I can't break free..i just want to break free. I want to be able to get up in the morning and have more to look forward to than the two dogs that lay at my feet presently. I want....I want this pain to go away. I want to forget the things I have done and I want to be better...I don't want everyone to remember me for the wrongs I have done..for the mistakes I have made....I want them to remember the real me...but how can I show them the real me when i dont even know for sure who the real me is?

There are things in life that I regret. There are things in life that I just can't forget. I know that I can forgive but the forgetting part seems to be what does the damage for me. I live in what was and i believe that what was will always happen again..i fear i won't be able to trust in those that are really worthy of it. I just want to get to look in the mirror and feel joy..to see myself as something more than the ugly bitch staring back at me.

I feel myself go insane and there are moments within the silence of myself that I forget what I stand for. Times when I forget who I am or worse, I forget there is a God. I feel no mercy and I feel no forgiveness..just pain. The hardest part is knowing when this happens that it'll pass in a short time and i'll regret whatever damage I have done once I snap out of it. I fear that at some point...I'll never snap out of it...i know what i feel isn't all me.

This angry possessive, deceitful, manipulative, bitter, demonic me that lives inside......I can't escape. There are moments when I recognize no pain..no fear...no love. How can anyone do that? How can anyone feel that way? I feel I have two of me inside...one good and one evil. I feel like I am Sam...sam from Supernatural...yes I know that is lame but true. I feel like all my life I have tried to be the best I could and all along had to fight off this evil inside me. I know everyone has evil inside but it is just like it overpowers me..flows through me in a way I can't face down.

There are times when I cut just to see the blood. Times when the pain is not there..it doesnt exist until of course the moment I snap out of it and feel the neverending pang of blood trickle down. Yano...the sickest part is that I could hurt someone else.......take for instance today....i tried to cut my stomach open...no lie. I know most people look at me and think "she's so innocent..she is just lying for attention" but the saddest part is knowing that they dont know me at all. I wouldn't lie about these sort of things. Why would I lie about feeling this rage...demonic feeling inside?Only a sick fucker would do that. But anyway, I don't know why I wanted to but I was clearing away Supper and putting it away when I saw the sharp kitchen knife just...sitting there. The hardest part is knowing when I get in these moods....that I have to watch it all go on within myself knowing it is wrong but not stopping..i just wont stop.

I picked up the knife and jabbed at myself a few times...nothing serious...no puncture...just play. It was like I was toying with myself to see just how far I would go. I quickly threw the knife in the sink though and finished cleaning up but my eyes couldnt leave that knife..why I don't know. Picking it up again just felt right...so I did. I started to gently scrape it along my stomach...not putting enough pressure to break skin though I know deep inside I wanted to oh so badly but something stopped me...thank God for that. When i snapped out of it, I had to run into the bathroom crying because that was soooo wrong of me. Though I ended up cutting elsewhere afterward anyway. I know...I don't like who I am. I don't like the looks people give me when they know or even more so the looks they give me when they DON'T even know.

I guess this is all for now...i just needed to ramble..it felt good....kinda..though i still feel the same....alone, scared, depressed, shitty, lonely, and angry. I don't like to worry anyone therefore I shall say there really isn't anything to worry about me on. I'll be just fine...I guess the anger inside hasn't consumed me totally yet to the point of any real damage so thats good new right? Heh so much for a short journal......take care everyone and I love you

<3 ray

Been awhile soo.....

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:15:35 GMT

why not post songs instead of a real post?:P yeah so...listen on my friends even if I did overdo posting too many songs...oh well:D

Pictures of Hunter, german shepherd, coming soon!

for my balto

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:05:26 GMT

this is how you make me feel

Please read

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 05:44:52 GMT

I just wanted to say i love you..i just...love you soooo much and i'm sorry. A song for "my valentine" I hope you listen to this balto..but i never know if you do because you never leave comments:P

I'm gonna go to bed now since i have no reason to stay up now that you got off. wish i had you to talk to...i dunno whats going on now..you left so abruptly it scared me

1-2-3..fall (for my balto)

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 06:27:02 GMT

So ray ray has been feeling quite down in the dumps lately I must confess...though I am sure many of you could tell from most of my posts. I don't know what it is anymore...I just feel myself going further and further down and i'm afraid because i dunno what to do..

I feel so uttery alone and scared...i know I shouldn't feel alone..but i do. I guess i know most of the reasons behind this as do many...but "he" doesn't seem to....i just wish he'd care...

ok well now im getting all sappy and teary eyed...im so proud of him though...he's going so far with his job and life..*wipes away a stray tear*...im so glad he's gotten so far and everyday I pray for more accomplishments for him to reach but its hard to watch knowing you didn't get to be there for it...knowing you didn't get to the one told..and have to read it on an LJ entry or hear it from someone else...but I guess that doesn't matter..i shouldn't be selfish..i really am happy for him..i guess i'd rather have him be succeeding and ignoring me than to be with him and have him feel so low about himself

I'm just really having trouble letting go..after everything we been through...i just dunno where to go from here. I've had it happen to me time and time again by people just up and deciding they dont want me anymore...but with him it was different and i'm having trouble understanding just why it is I can't seem to let go of someone who so obviously is done with me.

I have to let him live his life...it isn't mine to choose for him...but i just can't help but wish i was apart of what his life wanted..but i'd never want him to just be with me out of pity..which half the time I felt was the only reason he was with me in the first place

Balto..if you're reading this...I'm proud of you and i just want you happy...im sorry for all that's happened to you...and for everything I've put you through..with the things we've done and how far we've come since the day you kissed me..things have changed and I just have to accept the fact that so did your feelings for me...plain and simple. I'm happy for you though even if sometimes I act bitter and mean...its just the hurt talking but all i've wanted for you all along was to love yourself and find that point in life where you are finally content and happy with what you were doing. I don't want to be the thing that stands in your way of that...so I'm sorry *hugs* I'll never forget the moments we shared and the time we had together..it was the best years of my life believe it or not and i'l never forget what we had...

i love you..im sorry for that too...

sorry everyone for yet another rambling entry...I love you all and if you wanna have a jab at trying to cheer me up..have at it *snugs to my loved ones* night...*wipes away tears annoyed at myself*

You did WHAT?!

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 17:47:32 GMT

ok hey ya'll, how you doing? Good I hope. Just felt like writing since most of what I been posting lately are songs that annoy everyone or else my crazy insane talks of this and that.I am going to try to do somewhat of a happy post or at least a post to update rather than ramble...though right now im rambling so i highly doubt i'll be able to keep from doing so.

I'd first like to thank roogy and my matty(that is you twighlight:P) for being there for me through all this in posting comments back when they could to some of my millions of posts rather than just ignoring them like many probably do so extra snugs to you all *hugs*

I also wanna thank my Sera for being there for me and talking to me especially so late last night...she has to put up with my ramblings so I pity her but i love ya *hugs*

And most of all i wanna thank my very best friend, Carla, for being there for me. No one has ever stuck by me quite like she has even through anything. Doesn't matter what i've done...she still loves me just as much as yesterday. I can't even begin to explain just how much I value her friendship. She means the world to me and even though I miss her soooo much and wish she was here beside me I know that we'll still be friends with her so far away because our friendship can make it through anything :D I love you, my carwa, my "lover" *glomp*

So here I sit getting hyper from eating so much Princess gems (aka marshmellow cereal) with tons of sugar added in it cuz that's how i roll...yo. Ok so let me explain about yesterday morning like I started to talk about in a previous post.

So yesterday morning just at about 7 a.m. I wake up to the sound of our car alarm blaring loudly and im like "Wtf?....errrr!!! *grumble grumble kicks angie*" and she doesnt wake up so i keep poking at her and than i lean off the bed and look out the curtain to see the car lights flashing so than finally angie wakes up and takes her set of keys and turns the alarm off and starts to walk down the hall when the alarm blares back on AGAIN so than they finally get it shut off and when i peak out the window again i see the back end of a vehicle which look oddly familiar like our landlords blazer but I am soooo out of it..no one wakes me that early and gets a good side of me>_<

So suddenly the vehicle pulls off and yes, headed down to our landlords house which is right behind our house on a little road leading back. So angie,my sister, and my mom go out and look around the car at which by this point im still laying in bed so out of it I can't tell up from down but I'm still half awake..sorta. I could still hear things around me so yeah...than they discover that the car was unlocked...wtf? and there were footprints in the snow right beside our vehicle...nice huh? Than suddenly jim, one of the landlords, shows up and says their water is frozen so they don't have any water

HAHAHA wow isnt that kinda ironic? Considering we ended up with no water for like 18 days and you guys dittly dotted around getting it fixed and when you DID get it fixed it took them what....half hour tops to fix it? So now here they set with no water and they act like it is just the worst thing ever. Jim says he was down here trying to get some water out of the one shed thing so he had enough to make coffee and that was why he left and than came back...bulllllshit. Our car alarm doesnt just go off like that...and none of the keys were anywhere near anyone to where they woulda just been set off. Our car isn't touch sensitive..the only way it goes off is if someone is messing with either the key lock on the handle or on the ignition..so try again right? Anyway..so thats that

I'm sick of these people and if they try so much as one more thng I'm gonna sock one on them. We are already pretty sure they killed at least one of our cats considering it was sick and they said we should put it out of its misery than in a matter of a few days the cat goes missing..no one and i repeat NO ONE messes with my animals and gets away with it

*Steps off the bitching podium* So anyway...I have a very busy day up ahead so i gots to get going and get around...ray is still really sleepy but she'll be alright...gotta suck it up and drink coffee...mmm coffee...

*pads off thinking about coffee*

What do you care if I go?

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 07:31:34 GMT

You Don't Even Know Who I Am -Patty Loveless

She left the car in the driveway
She left the key in the door
She left the kids at her mama's
And the laundry piled up on the floor
She left her ring on the pillow
Right where it wouldn't be missed
She left a note in the kitchen
Next to the grocery list

It said, you don't even know who I am
You left me a long time ago
You don't even know who I am
So what do you care if I go

He left the ring on the pillow
He left the clothes on the floor
And he called her to say he was sorry
But he couldn't remember what for
So he said I've been doing some thinking
I've been thinking that maybe you're right
I go to work every morning
And I come home to you every night

And you don't even know who I am
You left me a long time ago
You don't even know who I am
So what do I care if you go
You don't even know who I am
So what do I care if you go

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:23:52 GMT

This song has many meanings to me...ones that can sometimes be painful for things done in my past...things I wish never would of happened but did...and there wasn't much I could have done to stop it..or so I try to tell myself...but everynight the thought still haunts me and I see his face and i still believe I shouldn't have shut down and clam up like I did..I knew better (yes i know this makes no sense except to maybe one person, you kyle, and no this song isn't about you and what I wish to do to you lol...about other things in my past..think hard>_<) I would come clean to what exactly I'm talking about but it is still too painful to put out in public to other people. I'm sorry

This is set to a tv show I love to watch and is just coming back for another season this next week, Lost, it involves Claire and Charlie, the man who obviously loves Claire very much and her baby, but Ethan had other plans..man that dude pissed me off. Anyway...watch..and I have more to tell later tonight about some stuff that happened this morning..lets just say someone tried to break into our car at 7 in the morning which involved loud car alarm going off and for me to bolt up from bed and become very grumpy..no one wakes me up that early and gets away with it...stay tooned *wink*

Just For - Nickelback....listen and watch please

I'd cry but I don't have the time

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 05:42:58 GMT

I just have too much going on right now...toooooo much. My mind can't take it and everything is just..spinning.

I wish I could explain but its so messed up I cant. My life is just...screwed up

With my family....
Everything is soooo screwed up when it comes to my family. I....I'd explain but no one would understand and I don't even know how to explain it. No one and i repeat NO ONE knows what its like for my family except for maybe my sister, Angie, and other than that no one understands is even if I'd try to explain it. It is soo fucked up..we all are....its boggles my mind. Maybe try to get into that some other time(mental note: maybe tomorrow?)

With my schooling...
I'm not gonna make it..I'm just not. I can't do it...I know I'm not being positive but seriously..I can't get myself to focus and do the work that needs done. I just don't care for it at all anymore and I can't get myself too...I know no one really likes school but..I just...I hate myself for not taking it serious enough...I'm trying to change that but its kinda too late...

With learning to drive...
I can't...I just can't. I'm too afraid and I'm also afraid to admit that I'm scared I will lose control and not be able to keep myself from doing something I'll regret nor want to do. I'm just that unstable and unsteady..I don't trust myself and I can't control certain things in my life. I'm losing control. I'm scared I'll wind up drinking too much like always and getting in a car and drunk driving..I don't wanna put anyone elses life in danger...I couldn't bear the thought. I cant even control myself...how can I control my vehicle[truck]?

With my birthday...
I don't even know how I should feel about that...hitting the "big" one eight? Doesn't seem possible and I'm not responsible nor mature enough to be an adult. I'm not ready to take on the world but its coming ready or not..

And what is it with people? Suddenly when I'm turning 18 i'm "legal" and every guy wants to "hook up" with?! whoa whoa...isn't that messed up to ya'll? If I'm not worth it enough to be willing to do that stuff even if i'm NOT 18 than forget it. Not that i wanna just sleep with anyone>_< lol its just the freaking principle of the thing yano?

With my relationship...
ay ay ay ay ay! don't get me started...it is too messed up. I just don't see why I don't matter...at all and why I'm not worth it to take a stand for? guys..come on..tell me...would you fight for your girl and stop at no limits or is that just some made up thing that girls dream of? Because supposably I'm not suppose to think that way and that "don't see a reason to fight for you"....am I wrong or is it so bad of me to wish he'd fight for me...fight to keep me? It just seems that if he wouldn't I sure must not mean much to him or at least not enough especially in a long term sense.

I dunno maybe I'm being silly and maybe not but I dunno what it is...seriously. Am I not pretty enough? Tall enough? Too tall? Not happy enough? Not smart enough? are my boobs not big enough?! lol..i really think there must be something wrong with me..I just feel I don't mean anything and thats why he isn't with me..why he doesnt't say he misses me or wants to see me or he loves me...because there's something wrong with me..I must have done something wrong..damn it I'm always doing something wrong...

My life is a mess..and I'm sick and I have a whole bunch of other crap I could just go on and on about but I'll spare you all the pain...

I'd cry if only I had the time too...too much going on to even give me a second to cry...besides if I did i'd just be a whimp and annoy everyone..or so I'm told..so no tears for me...if I did i'd just end up beating the shit out of myself for letting myself be so stupid.

I dunno but somehow this turned into a rant..I don't mean to take my pity parties out on here..I don't most times..usually keep them to myselfs but something about LJ to where i'll just start typing and I say things I don't really usually say out loud to people...I am always messing something up in one form or another...

I just feel worthless...don't think I really have a purpose anymore

I love you all and sorry for hardly any "happy" posts lately..if I could feel better I would but hard to when you're losing everything around you and you dont even have anyone there to keep you going..or at least that certain someone..the only one who can make you better...

I hate myself a little bit more each day. I'll see you in the mirror tonight my sweet..my sweet broken face *Glares at self*

oh yeah I wanted to congratulate you again Kyle for your accomplishments..with work and all..proud of you..you're coming real far in your life..I'm sorry I always manage to fuck it up..and I meant what i said..i'll stay out of your life for good as you seem to want it

*hugs to the ones i love*

I miss you all maybe someday I'll be the girl I'm suppose to be instead of the stupid one I am...just can't believe I'm so alone...gotta go..cant let the tears fall

sicky

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:40:12 GMT

I'm really sick

My tounsils(sp?) are really swollen and my throat feels like it is closing up, having chunks come out of my mouth, chills, headache, dizzyness

and the list goes on and on..im having to go to the doctors right now to get the back of my throat swabbed...think it might be tounsilites(sp)or something else that i dunno what they said it might be..they suspect something else...or maybe strep

ugh but i can hardly talk...cant even eat or drink hardly.

ok going now to my doom of death

wish me luck :( im really in pain...i know im complaining but its true

RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM!

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 01:37:06 GMT

Ok here is just some random stuff most being from Supernatural in some form or another ok so first..

The Tootsie Rolls -spoof of the classic "The Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks. If any of you heard about the story of the woman who cut her husbands penis off when she found out he cheated and they tried to take it to court and the judge just laughed when he heard what happened and nothing was done about it? yeah this is what the song is talking about *wink

Here is just a small clip of Ellen from on Supernatural with the voice of Stewie from on "Family Guy" makes me giggle more each time I hear it it seems

Here is a small clip of Jared Padalecki from Supernatural on the Ellen show talking about a time when he really thought he was dead...i laughed really REALLY hard at this

This is a REALLY random video of random stuff(you've been warned)put to Supernatural..funny in my opinion if not to you than go eat a tomatoe! no wait...dont i love tomatoes too much to let you have one!!

Saved the best for last, Supernatural SPOOF! so fucking funny...I have laughed and laughed over this time and time again..the whole damn thing is just hilarious..watch it all the way through

Music to pass the time

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 01:23:24 GMT

Yes, I am posting alot today but I wanted to put some Youtube videos up for people to watch, laugh or cry and shit lol so I put them sort of in catagories^_^

Here is some music of some of my personal faves Scroll down through and have a looksee!!

Nickelback -Because of You (a very good and one of my fave songs of Nickelback set to Supernatural which makes it that much better. WATCH WATCH WATCH!

Bucky Covington -Good to be us (one of my more favorite newer songs)

Evanescence -You (a song that Amy Lee wrote for her fiance that she hadn't really wanted people to get ahold of, or so the rumors say, and I'd like to repect her wishes but this song is just too damn good to pass up. <3 love <3

Drowning Pool -Bodies (A very good song and set to Supernatural at that...ok video so watch if you want

For your enjoyment-make ya smile

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 01:15:25 GMT

now time for litle kid stuff ^_^ kids say the darndest things...or so its said

scroll on down through^_^

All These Years...

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 22:17:26 GMT

I've done things in my life that are unforgivable and I'm sorry...I want to confess the sins I have made and the things I have done but right now I have not the words to speak them...but I just wanted to let the number one man in my life(no not Bear *wink* ) that I care for him deeply with more than I ever have anyone in my entire life. I am talking about you Kyle and I wish I could make things right for us again. I wish I could make you see all that I can see everytime I look into your eyes..if only you could feel it too when looking into mine...

Here is a song that many know but it has played a big part in my life and everytime I have heard this song I have thought of you Kyle and it still sends chills up my spine when I hear it. I can't explain the way this song makes me feel or how well I can relate to it but I hope maybe you can feel the emotions I feel when hearing it and seeing it so give it a go.

I am sorry kyle that things ended up this way...I never meant to hurt you or always throw all your faults in your face..it was just hard to let go of the way you did things to me because you never seemed to feel real regret or remorse for the bad you had done...only thing you ever seemed upset over was the fact of getting caught...as if you could do it all over again you'd just make it harder to get caught rather than not doing it at all...I doubt that made sense especially to anyone else reading this but anyway...Here is another song to you kyle but it is just the lyrics. If you wanna hear the actual song let me know but this is for you...

Dear my love, haven't you
wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't
you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I
don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand

[ CHORUS: ]
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my
life only to you
I've dreamt so long I
cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there

[ Chorus ]

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you now

[ Chorus ]

You are my rock. You are my salvation. With you I feel ok for once in my life. You are my whole world and without you here now...I feel lost, forgotten, unstable and just...dead. I'm sorry. I still love you...

I know how...

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 05:28:38 GMT

How Do You Get That Lonely -Blaine Larson

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on his bedroom floor
There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody knows

Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?

I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can
I know eyesight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...

(Repeat Chorus)

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score..

My own worst enemy

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 22:11:13 GMT

A fight within myself...that I just can't win...

I expect everyone to reply back to this..& all of these:P

twoleggedhairball@hotmail.com — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 19:12:51 GMT

What would you do if.....
» I committed suicide:
» I said I love you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?:
[2] Are we friends?:
[3] When and how did we meet?:
[4] How have I affected you?:
[5] What do you think of me?:
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?:
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?:
[8] Do you love me?:
[9] Have I ever hurt you?:
[10] Would you hug me?:
[11] Would you kiss me?:
[12] Would you kiss me twice?:
[13] Are we close?:
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?:
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?:
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?:
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.:
[18] Am I loveable?:
[19] How long have you known me?:
[20] Describe me in one word.:
[21] What was your first impression?:
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?:
[23] What do you think my weakness is?:
[24] Do you think I'll get married?:
[25] What about me makes you happy?:
[26] What about me makes you sad?:
[27] What reminds you of me?:
[28] What's something you would change about me?:
[29] How well do you know me?:
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?:
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?:
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?